The moon smiles upon my bed.
I consider frost and ice,
and raising my head, the bright sky.
Lying back, I think of home.
Once again, I’ve attempted to shiver myself into a timeless piece. I can only hope that my version does not offend.
The literal translation from Chinese-Poetry.com follows:
Bed before bright moon shine
Think be ground on frost
Raise head view bright moon
Lower head think home
Robert, I really like this. Li Po is one of my favorites.
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The picture affects the words. What at first seemed casual became haunting.
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First off, I really like your “after Tu Fu” version, whether you want to call it a translation or not. I particularly like your use of the word “consider” for the speaker’s state of mind, which is contemplative, after all, if not a little sleepy (and cold) to boot. To consider frost and light and the sky with its moon is, after all, to dismiss none of them, and that is key in my reading of that poem.
Even transliterations of the characters may vary, depending on where you get it from! In J.P. Seaton’s transliteration in a commentary on his own translation methods, his transliteration of the verb in the second line is “suspect” and not “think”, which can make a difference in how one translates it–though in your case I think you chose a strong word even with a different transliteration. The more you study, the murkier it can get…
Here’s a link to my own translation of this poem, paired with one by Li Ho, below.
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Our alphabet lacks the subtleties of Chinese character combinations, but we try! I recently picked up my old copy of 19 Ways of Looking at Wang Wei, and was struck, once again, at how many variations might be derived from these old, wonderful poems. And I very much enjoyed your translation – much different, but the same nevertheless.
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This is beautiful. I haven’t read Li Po in ages, but your version definitely makes me want to revisit his work. I enjoyed the quietness of the actions in the poem, as well as how the simple actions became solid, universal images in each line until the terminus, where I could supply my own personal vision of home. As you said, an evergreen piece–and I feel you’ve done well with it.
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I may have confused Lorca’s moon with Li Po’s, but I’m pleased that you approve!
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Great Poem, Thanks for sharing:)
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Reblogged this on An Iris Growing in the Negev and commented:
beautiful
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Thank you for reblogging this!
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I really like this Robert. Idon’t know Chinese poetry but find I really like this simplicity. Keep them coming. SD
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Inspiring. The interpretation worked well. Li Po is certainly a source worth mulling over. This is something I will introduce in my Chinese English poetry group (in Taipei)
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Li Po’s tone resonates across the centuries. I return to him time and again, and find new meaning.
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I don’t read Chinese, but the literal translation spoke to me like this:
Light startles me awake – at first,
I think I sleep again amid the frost.
Then from the bed I raise my head
And see the moon – relax! I’m safe at home.
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Nice! A different perspective.
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Thank you! I wrote it quickly, knowing nothing about the original poem or its author. At first, I thought what I’d written subconsciously reflected the research I’ve been doing. I just looked up Li Po. Now I also think it’s interesting that I unknowingly brought the homesick poet back home!
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I’m confident that Li Po would appreciate the gesture! Or maybe not. Poets are complicated beings. 🙂
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Robert, I like oriental poetry but I this time your version works better. It flows better.
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Pingback: A Quiet Night | Christine Plouvier, Novelist
Nice poem, plus lvoe the top photo of the moon through the branches.
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Robert, given our shared interest in Chinese poetry and reinterpeting it, you may want to check out this link:
http://tankawanka.wordpress.com/category/%E4%B8%AD%E5%9B%BD/
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Thank you. I’ll do that.
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Hey, You Have Been Award, The Angel Award.
For More Information, Please Click On The Link Bellow:
http://poemotherapishoppe.com/2014/04/05/the-angel-award-from-don-charisma/
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Felt like I was having oolong with my son at Maokong where he’s been for so long.
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Ah, from poetry to tea!
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Do you take the photos, too? They are so lovely with the poems.
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I take some, but most (the better ones) come from morguefile.com.
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Reblogged this on Vox Populi and commented:
Robert Odaji’s version of a canonical poem
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Thank you.
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Reblogged this on crepuscular cluster.
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Thanks!
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