Calm

Posted on March 29, 2015 by robert okaji

Calm (after H.D.)

I flow over the ground,
healing its hidden scar–
the scar is black,
the bedrock risen,
not one stone is misplaced.

I relieve the ground’s
burden with white froth,
I fill and comply—
I have thrown a pebble
into the night,
it returns to me,
settles and rises,
a white dove.

This is an exercise, using a poem by H.D. (Storm) as the launching point. I’ve tried to emulate her diction and rhythm, with mixed success. Still, it’s fun to try these on occasion.

58 thoughts on “Calm”

SiriusOryon on March 29, 2015 at 10:08 am said:

Tarot Cards 14 & 11 Calm*♥*

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- robert okaji on March 29, 2015 at 11:13 am said:
  
  Now I’m going to have to look up tarot cards… 🙂
  
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  - SiriusOryon on March 29, 2015 at 11:40 am said:
    
    It is an art my *♥*
    
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aunnielauren on March 29, 2015 at 10:36 am said:

The result is beautiful!

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- robert okaji on March 29, 2015 at 10:47 am said:
  
  Thank you.
  
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Linda R Neff on March 29, 2015 at 10:37 am said:

This is magnificent – wow!

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- robert okaji on March 29, 2015 at 10:51 am said:
  
  Thank you. I find this type of exercise an excellent way to enter a poet’s work. Memorization also helps me. At any rate, I decided it’s time to become more familiar with H.D.’s work.
  
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  - C on March 29, 2015 at 11:31 am said:
    
    Thanks for the introduction, I was not familiar with H.D.!
    
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  - robert okaji on March 29, 2015 at 11:37 am said:
    
    I’ve been only slightly acquainted with her work – and that primarily through her connections to Pound and Williams – and the more I’ve read the more I’ve wanted to read. So here we are!
    
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ericbarnett2015 on March 29, 2015 at 11:28 am said:

I realize this sounds like a bizarre coincidence, but I have a small book of selected poems by H.D. sitting on my desk. It has Storm among the selections. Your poem balances it beautifully. Thanks!

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- robert okaji on March 29, 2015 at 11:38 am said:
  
  Stranger coincidences occur daily!
  
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quirknjive on March 29, 2015 at 11:39 am said:

Wonderful! I am not familiar with H. D., but now I’m looking forward to exploring her work. Thank you for including an explanation of your poem.

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- robert okaji on March 29, 2015 at 1:33 pm said:
  
  H.D. was certainly a fascinating character. I had to provide a brief explanation – without “Storm,” this poem could not have existed. Credit was due to H.D.
  
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A Former Prison Librarian on March 29, 2015 at 1:20 pm said:

In prison, one of the Creative Writing Workshop inmates/clerk used a form called “scaffolding.” He would take a piece of already published poetry, removed strategic words, then write his own poetry from those words he had replaced. It was an interesting concept, which often worked quite well.

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- robert okaji on March 29, 2015 at 1:35 pm said:
  
  That sounds like fun. Another option is to replace every other line with one of your own, and then go back and replace the remaining original lines. I’ve tried this and failed miserably! But the point is to jolt the senses, to work oneself out of a rut, or at the very least, to try different words or word combinations.
  
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AR on March 29, 2015 at 1:34 pm said:

It sort of reverses the weight thing… H.D.’s storm makes the leaf a stone; your water makes the stone a dove, something that rises. In both cases an image that indirectly evokes the power of nature’s forces in an intimate way.

I think this was an interesting challenge and I like your poem.

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- robert okaji on March 29, 2015 at 1:43 pm said:
  
  For this exercise it’s easier to maintain consistency by defining an opposite. Or that could just be my contrary nature…
  
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  - AR on March 29, 2015 at 1:47 pm said:
    
    Right – it’s a way to imitate while still doing something different. But it’s also interesting.
    
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  - robert okaji on March 29, 2015 at 1:56 pm said:
    
    Infinitely interesting. And challenging!
    
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skat on March 29, 2015 at 1:34 pm said:

I like that image of throwing a pebble into the night. This is lovely and tranquil.

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- robert okaji on March 29, 2015 at 1:39 pm said:
  
  Thank you. I was hoping for tranquil as an antidote to H.D.’s “Storm.”
  
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skat on March 29, 2015 at 1:47 pm said:

I believe you have succeeded.

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- robert okaji on March 29, 2015 at 1:57 pm said:
  
  Thank you.
  
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cote8050 on March 29, 2015 at 1:59 pm said:

It is lovely, well done.

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- robert okaji on March 29, 2015 at 2:07 pm said:
  
  Thank you.
  
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amoafowaa on March 29, 2015 at 3:00 pm said:

Nice.

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- robert okaji on March 29, 2015 at 5:33 pm said:
  
  Thanks.
  
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Talia Hardy on March 29, 2015 at 3:40 pm said:

And this is what I have been practicing when reading from work by Heaney and Lawrence. Your poem is wonderful, the dove is symbolic of peace and the tone conveys this well.

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- robert okaji on March 29, 2015 at 5:17 pm said:
  
  Thank you. Heaney and Lawrence would both present unique challenges in such an exercise.
  
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  - Talia Hardy on March 29, 2015 at 5:21 pm said:
    
    Yes Robert, it would. But I have found their influence has improved my ability to write effective poetry. So much so, I won my first award at a literary festival.
    
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  - robert okaji on March 29, 2015 at 5:31 pm said:
    
    There’s nothing like a good challenge, is there? And congratulations on your award!
    
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robertmgoldstein on March 29, 2015 at 6:51 pm said:

beautifully written.

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- robert okaji on March 30, 2015 at 5:05 am said:
  
  Thank you, Robert.
  
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Jeff Schwaner on March 29, 2015 at 7:05 pm said:

Still trying to figure out the Tarot cards. But then, we all are, right?

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- robert okaji on March 30, 2015 at 5:06 am said:
  
  Perhaps I might combine Tarot with a reworking of one of Mei’s titles?
  
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lifelessons on March 29, 2015 at 9:23 pm said:

For the second time this week, my pingback to WP won’t work. Here’s my posting: https://grieflessons.wordpress.com/2015/03/29/boy-toys-2/

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- robert okaji on April 1, 2015 at 2:19 pm said:
  
  Hi Judy. I just found your reply in my spam folder. Dunno why it was there.
  
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  - lifelessons on April 1, 2015 at 10:50 pm said:
    
    WordPress was putting all of my comments and replies into everyone’s spam files. I don’t know why. Before that they were refusing to let me pingback. Now today no one can, so you are catching up to me. Thanks for pulling me out of the trash. Are you doing NaPoWriMo?
    
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  - robert okaji on April 2, 2015 at 5:03 am said:
    
    I was pleased to pull you out. 🙂 I’m not doing NaPoWriMo this year, as I’ve too many irons in the fire to do it justice. But I will write everyday.
    
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garyhorvitz on March 30, 2015 at 3:15 am said:

Using prompts like this, or visuals, is a way of writing that I particularly enjoy–although I haven’t done any of it recently. Nice work.

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- robert okaji on March 30, 2015 at 5:07 am said:
  
  I don’t use prompts much, but every now and then feel the urge to rattle the cage and do something different.
  
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MR Henry on March 30, 2015 at 9:51 am said:

With success, not mixed success.

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- robert okaji on March 30, 2015 at 10:23 am said:
  
  Thank you. I did so enjoy “channeling” H.D.
  
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Ron on March 30, 2015 at 4:01 pm said:

I am actively channeling H. (I call her H for short!) at the moment, and she LOVES this poem…but she says that if she were alive today she would be seeing her attorney! *g*

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- robert okaji on March 30, 2015 at 4:14 pm said:
  
  Say “hey” to H. You’re obviously on better terms with Ms. Doolittle than I. Please put in a good word for me.
  
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  - Ron on March 30, 2015 at 4:22 pm said:
    
    HAHA! Quick question — How did the appt turn out?
    
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  - robert okaji on March 30, 2015 at 4:40 pm said:
    
    Okay, as far as I’m concerned. But I should know in a few days.
    
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Hugh A Tague on March 31, 2015 at 9:37 am said:

Beautiful my friend, I love the way your words honor the image, yet they would stand on their own as simply strong beautiful lines. Well done!

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- robert okaji on March 31, 2015 at 12:39 pm said:
  
  Thank you, sir!
  
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sanpiano on March 31, 2015 at 11:51 am said:

isn’t it true in writing that we always evolve and strive for new ways to express ourselves and our failures only strengthen our resolve…

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- robert okaji on March 31, 2015 at 12:30 pm said:
  
  I certainly tend to learn more from failure than success, and striving to overcome limitations, whatever they may be, plays a large role in creative development.
  
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howsitbe on March 31, 2015 at 12:20 pm said:

I was just dropping in, and this was the first entry at the top. I enjoyed your poem, but being unfamiliar with the inspiration, I first read “Calm (after H.D.)” as in after high definition. I was so intrigued! I realize this wasn’t your subject, but man, I’d love to see the result if anyone runs with it.

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- robert okaji on March 31, 2015 at 12:27 pm said:
  
  Now that would be interesting. Maybe you should try it.
  
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  - howsitbe on April 1, 2015 at 7:51 am said:
    
    Perhaps one day. 🙂 It’s in the pot now, so we’ll see what turns out! It’s funny, actually. I haven’t worked a “regular job” in nearly a year, but I am working 10-12 hours most days. Squeezing a little open mic in there might increase the productivity. 😉
    
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oneoklock on April 1, 2015 at 2:04 pm said:

I, too, have a photo like that of my pool. I ‘dive into it’ when I need to get calm. Thank you!

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- robert okaji on April 1, 2015 at 2:11 pm said:
  
  I dive into words, but sometimes the calm doesn’t come for a while.
  
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operahell on April 9, 2015 at 12:35 pm said:

Your words are beautiful.
Thank you for sharing them.
You are not alone.

-OP

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- robert okaji on April 9, 2015 at 6:02 pm said:
  
  Thank you.
  
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