Bright Autumn Moon (after Su Shi)
Clouds gather on the horizon, but here
it’s clear and cold as the silent Milky Way
and the stone of heaven, turning.
My life, like this night, will not last long.
Where will the bright moon find me next year?
The transliteration on Chinese-poems.com reads:
Mid-Autumn Moon
Sunset cloud gather far excess clear cold
Milky Way silent turn jade plate
This life this night not long good
Next year bright moon where see
Jade was also known as the “stone of heaven” and was considered a bridge
between heaven and earth. It made more sense to me in this context. I’m clearly
taking license here…
Beautiful!
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Thank you.
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Where have all the superlatives gone when I need them most?!
This one is truly a masterpiece of the translator’s art and craft!
Ron.
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I heard they’re flying over Bavaria, but what do I know? And thank you.
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HAHAHAHAHAHA! Great “reverse segue”! Did you ever do standup comedy? *hehe*
Did u ever figure out what my mother said? I’m still not gonna write it in any public forum!
Ron
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I can only guess…
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That was pretty awesome.
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Thanks, Lisa!
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Beautiful translation, Robert. It fills me with serene melancholy, and i’d bet that would make Su Shi quite satisfied, too.
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Thank you, Anna. I believe Su Shi was well acquainted with melancholy, and I hope that he would accept this adaptation in the spirit in which it was shaped.
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Really lovely. 🙂
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You’re very kind, Georgina.
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🙂
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very nice. jade is one of my favorite stones. imperial jade is the bomb.
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Thanks, John. Hey, when is part 3 going to appear?
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good question, robert. i’ve been mulling stuff but nothing to do with part 3. thanks for asking though.
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I hesitate to ask questions like that as my usual reply is something like “I dunno,” but then I went ahead anyway. 🙂
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Very nice.
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Thank you.
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Is this your own translation from the original Chinese? It feels like “Bright Autumn Moon” is an original straight from English. What I mean is that the English version feels fresh and original and can stand on its own merits, and not just a translation. I may have said something like this about another of your postings before, but I’m still amazed at the freshness and life brought into this translation. Thanks.
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I don’t read Chinese, so I relied on the transliteration from Chinese-poems.com, and worked out my own version (adaptation rather than translation) from that. Thank you for your kind words. With these adaptations I strive to produce pieces that will reflect the original but still seem new. And of course they must work as poems, too. 🙂
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It is wonderful to read excellent poetry, and find a true poet. I look forward to reading more of your work.
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You are very generous, Alethea. Thank you.
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Lovely, well done, thank you
Namaste
Michelle
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Thank you, Michelle.
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love the photo of the sunset, and the poem, beautiful imagery!
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Thank you. The photos are from morguefiles.com.
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Hello Robert,
Thanks for visiting my blog.
I read your translation of ‘中秋月 Mid Autumn Moon’ by 蘇軾 Su Shi with interest. It reads well as a poem in its own right so I would say it is more of a poem inspired by Su Shi than a translation.
Mid autumn is a time of celebration in the Chinese calendar. Mid autumn falls on the 15th day of the 8th month in the lunar calendar, during a full moon. It’s a time of harvest and a time of family reunion, much like the Thanksgiving.
The poem in Chinese (as follows) was written by the poet in memory of a brief reunion with his brother. It laments that a good life, like the full moon is not often seen (out of the clouds), so who knows what the future will bring. The term ‘yu pan’, a ‘jade plate’ refers to the moon. The second phrase ‘the silent silver stream (the Milky Way) meanders around the jade plate’ is saying, ‘the distant stars are barely seen around the bright moon’.
中秋月 Mid Autumn Moon
(宋)蘇軾 (Song Dynasty) Su Shi
暮雲收盡溢清寒,銀漢無聲轉玉盤,
此生此夜不長好,明月明年何處看。
Thank you for the reminder of Su Shi.
Mary Tang
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Mary, thank you so much for your insight. Yes, my version is not intended as a translation but as a piece inspired from Su Shi. Someday I would love to work with a Chinese language expert to produce real translations. Until that time, I’ll muddle along with my adaptations and celebrate these wonderful poets as best I can.
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I feel that ‘real translations’ can never be achieved. Such is the difference between languages that we should celebrate that. I do enjoy reading translated poems but I also appreciate the loss of that which I will never know. One must be satisfied to have glimpsed even a small part of so great a thing.
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That space between languages can’t be filled – from nuance to wordplay to cultural differences and the imposition of one’s feelings – but that loss is of course what makes the attempt so satisfying, if bittersweet.
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Thanks Mary. I was just wondering what the original Chinese looks like. I very much appreciate your commentary, especially the background on the poet’s personal history.
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Hi setohj, I had to include the original text in my comment because it is the ‘real thing’; no amount of commentary on my part can do justice to it, though every masterpiece deserves a proper frame. Thanks for acknowledging my comment.
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I stole all of Ron’s superlatives, that’s why he doesn’t have any. Or at least, he doesn’t have the best, most superlatively greatest ones. Ever. But I do. And, I like this whole series of your engagements with the Greatest Ancientest Most Poets. Are there other translations of it that you read besides the transliteration? Any that you preferred?
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So that’s where they are! I don’t believe I’ve read a translation other than that provided alongside the transliteration on Chinese-poems.com, which truth be told, I found rather clunky. But the sentiment was there. Now I’m going to have to pore over some of my anthologies to see if I have a translation at hand.
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I found a translation in Red Pine’s Poems of the Masters.
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Yes! I found that late last night. I think your version holds up well!
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Thanks, Jeff. But now it looks like I may need to invest in a couple of Su Shi books. 🙂
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Your images are always beautiful, and your poetry is accessible but lovely. As a – sort of – poet myself, those are qualities I treasure. Thanks for sharing and thanks for following my blog.
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Thank you for your generosity. Your blog is always a pleasure to visit.
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Yes, it has the right feel, I think! A lovely thing.
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I like to think that I captured part of Su Shi’s feel. At least that is my hope.
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Reblogged this on Dark Earth Rising and commented:
Very nice. Thought I’d share this…
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Thanks for reblogging. Much appreciated.
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“…and the stone of heaven, turning.” License, perhaps, but lovely license!
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Thank you, Cate. It seemed a little less obtuse than “plate,” but I do like Red Pine’s use of “wheel.” But that’s what we do… 🙂
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So beautiful! One has to hold the words loosely in one’s head and heart to absorb all that’s there.
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Thank you, Nadia. Loosely, but not to loose… Therein lies the difficulty.
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Yes! I love looking at multiple translations of poems. It gives not only deep insight into a poem, but into language itself.
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I’ve found that attempting my own adaptations gives me greater appreciation.
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I really enjoyed this, thanks for sharing it. I read it as the “stone of heaven, turning” being the moon itself and I loved that way of describing it.
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Thanks, Sibylle. That is how I saw it.
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Great blog you have here! And thanks for checking out my blog, the Gypsy Journals.
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Likewise!
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Translating from one culture or time period into another always provides an illumination for both the reader and the writer.
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Our cultural baggage accompanies us wherever we go, and it’s most difficult to disentangle ourselves from it.
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Then again baggage it what we need when traveling to new and old familiar places. We need some baggage to get where we are going.
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So we should travel light, but pack carefully!
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