Feeling Squeezed at the Grocery Store I Conclude that the Propensity to Ignore Pain is Not Necessarily Virtuous, but Continue Shopping and Gather the Ingredients for Ham Fried Rice because That’s What I Cook When My Wife is Out-of-Town and I’m Not in the Mood for Italian, and Dammit I’m Not Ill, Merely a Little Inconvenienced, and Hey, in the 70’s I Played Football in Texas and When the Going Gets Tough…

Posted on December 17, 2015 by robert okaji

Feeling Squeezed at the Grocery Store I Conclude that the Propensity to Ignore Pain is Not Necessarily Virtuous, but Continue Shopping and Gather the Ingredients for Ham Fried Rice because That’s What I Cook When My Wife is Out-of-Town and I’m Not in the Mood for Italian, and Dammit I’m Not Ill, Merely a Little Inconvenienced, and Hey, in the 70’s I Played Football in Texas, and When the Going Gets Tough…

I answer work email in the checkout line. Drive home, take two aspirin.
Place perishables in refrigerator. Consider collapsing in bed. Call wife.
Let in dog. Drive to ER, park. Provide phone numbers. Inhale. Exhale.
Repeat. Accept fate and morphine. Ask for lights and sirens, imagine the
seas parting. On the table, consider fissures and cold air, windows and
hagfish. Calculate arm-length, distance and time. Expect one insertion,
receive another. Dissonance in perception, in reality. Turn head when
asked. Try reciting Kinnell’s “The Bear.” Try again, silently this time.
Give up. Attempt “Ozymandias.” Think of dark highways. Wonder about
the femoral, when and how they’ll remove my jeans. Shiver uncontrollably.

67 thoughts on “Feeling Squeezed at the Grocery Store I Conclude that the Propensity to Ignore Pain is Not Necessarily Virtuous, but Continue Shopping and Gather the Ingredients for Ham Fried Rice because That’s What I Cook When My Wife is Out-of-Town and I’m Not in the Mood for Italian, and Dammit I’m Not Ill, Merely a Little Inconvenienced, and Hey, in the 70’s I Played Football in Texas and When the Going Gets Tough…”

Alexander Search on December 17, 2015 at 8:58 am said:

Without being sure how literally this should be taken, I am glad its author appears well enough to post and joke about it!

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- robert okaji on December 17, 2015 at 9:19 am said:
  
  It was an interesting, and somewhat amusing, experience, especially several years removed from it, but I’d prefer to avoid a repeat.
  
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nanciec13 on December 17, 2015 at 9:06 am said:

hope you’re ok!

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- robert okaji on December 17, 2015 at 9:19 am said:
  
  Oh, yes.
  
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C on December 17, 2015 at 9:15 am said:

Echoing Alexander, stay safe out there!

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- robert okaji on December 17, 2015 at 9:21 am said:
  
  Should this reoccur, I’ll not drive myself to the ER. Not a wise move.
  
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  - linnetmoss on December 17, 2015 at 10:27 am said:
    
    Every man should read this. Because you all want to drive yourselves to the ER. I know from all-too-recent experience!
    
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    - robert okaji on December 17, 2015 at 10:33 am said:
      
      Well, I might have allowed my wife to drive me had she been in town… 🙂
      
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      - linnetmoss on December 17, 2015 at 2:39 pm said:
        
        And she might have rendered moot the question of who is driving by calling 911…:)
        
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  - robert okaji on December 17, 2015 at 2:47 pm said:
    
    She’s always been the smart one!
    
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  - Joseph Nebus on December 17, 2015 at 10:40 pm said:
    
    Oh, I wouldn’t be tempted. It’s not like a mile and a half to the nearest ER, we could just walk there. Maybe bike if it’s urgent.
    
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  - robert okaji on December 18, 2015 at 8:49 am said:
    
    Walking wasn’t a good idea, either. 🙂 My mantra is now “Call 911. Call 911.”
    
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Pleasant Street on December 17, 2015 at 9:20 am said:

Ham fried rice is a thing? I need to try this

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- robert okaji on December 17, 2015 at 9:22 am said:
  
  Sure. It’s tasty!
  
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  - Pleasant Street on December 17, 2015 at 9:23 am said:
    
    I’m glad you’re well. You got our hearts pumping this morning.
    I would think you’d leave off the soy sauce, since ham is salty. What veg?
    
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    - robert okaji on December 17, 2015 at 9:27 am said:
      
      I sometimes dilute the soy sauce with mirin, and most often use bamboo shoots, green onion, jalapeno and or red pepper, and peas. Occasionally I’ll add egg.
      
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      - Pleasant Street on December 17, 2015 at 9:29 am said:
        
        I like to cook the omelette separate and cut it up to add at the end. I’ve never cooked with mirin. I’ll pick some up. Thanks for the tip. My family eats every leftover since I started making fried rice.
        
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        robert okaji on December 17, 2015 at 9:33 am said:
        
        That’s my preferred method, although I have added an egg mixture to the rice near the end.
        
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Dr Meg Sorick on December 17, 2015 at 9:21 am said:

Yeah! Geez! Glad to hear that’s in the past! Be well!

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- robert okaji on December 17, 2015 at 9:22 am said:
  
  It certainly took me by surprise!
  
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Belinda Riehl on December 17, 2015 at 9:27 am said:

Sounds terrifying. Hope your recovery is swift.

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- robert okaji on December 17, 2015 at 9:29 am said:
  
  I found it interesting, but not frightening in the least. And I’m fully recovered. Thank you.
  
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Theanne aka magnoliamoonpie on December 17, 2015 at 9:37 am said:

Happy it all turned out well 🙂

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- robert okaji on December 17, 2015 at 9:43 am said:
  
  Thank you. I was lucky!
  
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Nadia on December 17, 2015 at 9:37 am said:

Beautifully rendered. Deeply frightening.
You should share your recipe as recompense for all of us that you disturbed. 🙂

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- robert okaji on December 17, 2015 at 9:49 am said:
  
  Thank you. Recipe: sear diced ham steak, add veggies, cook till softened, dump in copious amount of cooked rice, mix well, add soy sauce to taste, remove from heat when you’re satisfied with taste and texture. 🙂
  
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  - Nadia on December 17, 2015 at 10:05 am said:
    
    Thank you! 🙂
    
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Leigh W. Smith on December 17, 2015 at 9:55 am said:

Mirin? Hmm, I don’t even know what that is! In any case, I’m glad to see that you’re far removed from this painful-sounding experience, Bob. I don’t know how you’ve made a great poem out of it, but I cease to be amazed by your writing ability! (ham-fried rice recipe sounds sumptuous, too!)

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- robert okaji on December 17, 2015 at 10:13 am said:
  
  Mirin is a sweet rice wine often used in cooking. I wrote this at a writing conference two summers ago, and last made the rice dish, at Lissa’s request, 10 days ago.
  
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  - Leigh W. Smith on December 17, 2015 at 3:02 pm said:
    
    Aha, sweet rice wine I understand. Sounds like a yummy dish to try! (Recently tried squid at a restaurant and was pleasantly surprised; not sure if it used rice wine or not.)
    
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  - robert okaji on December 17, 2015 at 3:11 pm said:
    
    It’s very mild. I cook with it quite often, especially when I want to use soy sauce but wish to dilute it with something other than water (which I do use on occasion). Milder than sake (also a favorite cooking liquid).
    
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nananoyz on December 17, 2015 at 10:13 am said:

Are you ok???

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- robert okaji on December 17, 2015 at 10:15 am said:
  
  Yes, thank you. Fully recovered – this occurred more than two years ago.
  
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  - nananoyz on December 17, 2015 at 10:18 am said:
    
    Oh! Ok! My youngest sister-in-law is recovering from a heart attack right now. She almost died because she thought she had indigestion.
    
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    - robert okaji on December 17, 2015 at 10:21 am said:
      
      When I left the house to head to the ER, I only suspected what was wrong. By the time I arrived, perhaps six minutes later, I was certain. I was very lucky.
      
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      - nananoyz on December 17, 2015 at 10:30 am said:
        
        Wow!
        
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        robert okaji on December 17, 2015 at 10:35 am said:
        
        I didn’t realize how fortunate I was until I saw the doctor the next morning, and he explained what had happened.
        
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        nananoyz on December 17, 2015 at 10:50 am said:
        
        I’m glad you listened to your body. Otherwise I’d never have gotten to read your poetry. Except perhaps posthumously. And that wouldn’t have been any fun for you. 😉
        
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        robert okaji on December 17, 2015 at 10:54 am said:
        
        I have gained an even greater appreciation for breathing!
        
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Megan on December 17, 2015 at 10:23 am said:

Love the kertwang at the beginning and the affirmation-of-very-human-concerns at the end. And glad you’re okay. 🙂

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- robert okaji on December 17, 2015 at 10:31 am said:
  
  Thanks, Megan!
  
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Sanghamitra on December 17, 2015 at 10:51 am said:

Hoping you’re all right now 🙂

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- robert okaji on December 17, 2015 at 10:55 am said:
  
  Oh, yes. Doing well, thanks.
  
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willturnstone on December 17, 2015 at 11:33 am said:

My daughter works in A&E, not sure how sympathetic she’d be, but then she bullies her old Dad! Seriously, thank you for looking in on agnellusmirror and enjoying what you found there – as I did here! WT

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- robert okaji on December 17, 2015 at 2:06 pm said:
  
  Ha! And thanks for returning the favor and stopping by.
  
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Justice&Humanity on December 17, 2015 at 11:36 am said:

Hugs. Here’s hoping that never, ever happens again!

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- robert okaji on December 17, 2015 at 2:06 pm said:
  
  That is my hope, too. 🙂
  
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Cate on December 17, 2015 at 12:16 pm said:

Damn, Bob! I have deeply mixed feelings about “liking” this post, but will do so now that it appears it describes a some-years-past event. 🙂

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- robert okaji on December 17, 2015 at 12:26 pm said:
  
  Thanks, Cate. I’m pleased to still be here. 🙂
  
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serendipitouswriter on December 17, 2015 at 1:43 pm said:

Hello there, Robert! Thank you for liking one of my posts. It was very enjoyable for me to scroll through your blog and read the wonderful work that you have. I look forward to reading more of your work and sharing with you some of my own. 🙂

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- robert okaji on December 17, 2015 at 2:41 pm said:
  
  Thanks for taking the time to return the favor. I look forward to reading more of your work, too.
  
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Erica Herd on December 17, 2015 at 2:12 pm said:

Glad you recovered and were able to share with us so vividly.

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- robert okaji on December 17, 2015 at 2:42 pm said:
  
  Thanks, Erica. I’m glad to be here!
  
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Daniel Schnee on December 17, 2015 at 3:50 pm said:

It is strange to like a post about your near death… my “like” is for the poetry, not the cardiac emergency! 🙂

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- robert okaji on December 17, 2015 at 4:01 pm said:
  
  Ha! The cardiac emergency made me realize that I should not put off certain pursuits any longer – I started this blog about six weeks after the event, and here I stand today greatly enriched by the friends, readers and opportunities I’ve gained from this simple blog. I lived. And I live.
  
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derrickjknight on December 17, 2015 at 11:48 pm said:

I’m pleased that is behind you

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- robert okaji on December 18, 2015 at 8:41 am said:
  
  Yes, it’s not something to look forward to.
  
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john hauge on December 18, 2015 at 6:23 am said:

i’m glad you’re ok, robert. while reading this i was like, wow he’s writing this in the ER parking lot or something. thankfully, i haven’t had to deal with an ER visit for myself. it’s bad enough when it’s someone else and the helplessness settles in. have a joyous holiday and a healthy new year!

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- robert okaji on December 18, 2015 at 8:47 am said:
  
  It was my first visit since I was 12, and my first overnight stay in a hospital since I was 4. Think I’d like to wait another 50 years for the next one.
  
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Dorinda Duclos on December 18, 2015 at 11:34 pm said:

I had to scroll through all the comments first to be assured you were ok and speaking of the past!!! Glad to know it’s behind you 😃

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- robert okaji on December 19, 2015 at 8:47 am said:
  
  Thanks, Dorinda. Let’s hope it stays there in the past!
  
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Abby Boid on December 19, 2015 at 2:40 am said:

You had me at the title! Glad to see all well now.

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- robert okaji on December 19, 2015 at 8:48 am said:
  
  Thank you, Abby.
  
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davekingsbury on December 21, 2015 at 10:09 am said:

For some reason, this put me in mind of Alfred J. Prufrock …

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- robert okaji on December 21, 2015 at 11:06 am said:
  
  Interesting. I never would have thought Prufrock, but I like it. 🙂
  
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sarahrussellpoetry on June 7, 2017 at 8:36 am said:

An important poem, Robert, especially for all the “don’t’s” that men do — ignoring first signs, driving themselves, etc. Glad you’re OK.

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- robert okaji on June 7, 2017 at 10:29 am said:
  
  I’d certainly do things differently, but hope there is no sequel to the story.
  
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