FIVE CREATIVE USES FOR MY BOOK, FROM EVERY MOMENT A SECOND

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More than just poetry!

So you don’t read poetry? No worries. This book is a multi-tasker’s dream. Buy it and let your practical nature take over. No reading necessary!

1) Scorpion swatter – let the aggressive, pain-inducing arachnid know the full weight of poetry! SLAM! No more second moments for you, scorpion!

2) Coaster – a half-dozen copies of the book will keep you out of the doghouse, if you, like certain unnamed poets, occasionally, and without malice, set sweating pint glasses of frothy ale directly on antique cherry end-tables. Just place a copy of From Every Moment a Second on all tabletops and flat surfaces around the home, and never worry about marring the furniture. Put your beverage glass directly upon the colorful cover, and let the poetry perform its magic. Who knew that paper was so absorbent!

3) Body armor – well, maybe not. The pen is mightier than the sword, and all that, but Kevlar is a better bet when it comes to bullets. So scratch that idea, unless you’d like to print up Kevlar dust jackets. Hmm. Not a bad idea. Nyah, nyah! Your bullets can’t pierce my verse! Just saying…

4) Hot pad – need something on which to place a gurgling pot of “OMG This Stuff Burns, Really, Really Burns” chili? A short stack of From Every Moment a Second will do the trick. I recommend at least three copies to achieve maximum efficiency. For larger pots, six copies, in stacks of three, are considered the norm, but you may, for personal reasons, use more.

5) Furniture and appliance leveler – are you tired of your fried eggs running downhill and forming lazy crescent moons instead of perfectly centered suns? Simply stick a copy of From Every Moment a Second under the offending corner of the stove. Presto. Sunny side up? No problem. And this is a portable solution! How many times have you been to a trendy, hipster coffee shop and found your table, the only unoccupied one, of course, wobbling, and in danger of spilling precious drops of that costly triple-mocha-vodka latte? Carry copies of the book with you, and shove one (or more) under the responsible table leg. Done!

 

To order this scorpion-swatting, moisture-absorbing, heat-deflecting and furniture-leveling book, visit Finishing Line Press. And hey, you might even look at some of the words. It’s okay. Really.

Undecided? Read a review here. Alas, no mention of the five uses described above…

 

 

44 thoughts on “FIVE CREATIVE USES FOR MY BOOK, FROM EVERY MOMENT A SECOND”

  3. the Comanche used to stuff their shields with bullet stopping paper – they would always steal books in their raids on the settlers for this purpose. Poetry reinforced paper was the best, though they probably never realized that. 😉

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  6. there is a further refinement possible! 😀 the notion of the shim cut novel/book wherein the front or spine is angled for easier dismemberment….i.e. cut on a BOAS! we all should have a litttle…bias… try not to think bile here 😀 this allallows furniture and or appliance leveling made easy! it is the shim cut novel. I think i’m ….novel…. 😀 this thus allows you to offer not just furniture and or appliance leveling but leveling…on a whole new PLANE! you can even tack defrenistration! i.e. window leveling. another consideriable option is the treatment of format so as to include more space for notes! lets face it- we all remember so very very very well little things so… as poetry is in fact PERFECT! for it’s format to include side margins for notation upon the meditative qualities of words we’d hope but some see our leaves of grass as something best wiped with… I would consider having all your books sprayed special as gift giving options to friends of course in urishiole….poison ivy…. which with the soft absorbant touch of many a margin for marginal thinking one can also in a pinch have something to mop up the nature of others so very very well!…leaving one with a ….lasting….impression of our meaning….emphasis strictly upon MEAN. …I mean we cant be having people not find us handy!. if you lean towards promotion of vice…which something tells me you’ve heard of such existing by now… I would also consider the gummed edge super blunt from the gods rice paper impregnated with gun powder trace lleaves of our tree of …knowledge…. offered whereby one can off select proverbs from our experiences up for the sacrifice of a darn good time when encapsulation of not just our soul but with a lil OTHER can …put quite a different perspective upon the day 😀 shall we….I this is blamable upon me…… alll me me me one one one …did i mention i’m selfish? anyways. also returning us to the marginal humor of books and extra ages included doubling the effective ness of our words is the blank page to crayola our thoughts right next to the words of above! this increases the therapeutic value of the offering and! adds just a bit more bulk to the substance while not really altering costs overly much. you can thus offer your readers their chance at IRISH EROTIC ART right next to the exposition of your soul…consider this for future editions! I mean we must have a future of change and twists…twistedness…. to further our goals! 😀 sales 😀 and perhaps humble as it is boric acid as in pages treated in that but perhaps if you’re a bugger of a soul with humor of your own… take the super ricepaper impregnated with cun powder trace and handily perforated and gum-eded and soak it liberally in boric acid….so… you ‘ll love this! it can not errupt into flame..thus protection of babies smoking in bed is achieved and no one but you could have very much fun and or use save the bliss of the gift giving soul confounding! his giftees with the misery of seemingly soooooo useful a tome turning out to be mickeyed afterall. 😀 this thus in a bit of a budhist kinda way can offer one the enlightment of a spiritual path! — of course this can just be my imagination. I could be quite full of it.

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  8. Hey! This reminds me of this one time, when I’d been undergoing mental and spiritual distress, and I’d taken all the books off my bookshelf, and stacked them neatly under each corner of my bed to hold it up about six inches off the ground! HA! In my mind, at that time, I thought the dead had the ability to rise through the floor and steal my soul while sleeping. HA-HA! SO, books can also be used to prevent spirit possession guys! 😉

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  9. Reblogged this on SLHARPERPOETRY and commented:
    Hey Folks! Sir Robert Okaji of the Vorpal Pen has now added Trend-Setter and Guru of Repurposing to his C.V.! Let’s just say, Kerouac’s got nothing on Okaji in terms of name-dropping-acquired “street-cred” — not to mention the latter’s impeccable taste in *cover art* 😜!
    Bottom line: No home should be left un-accessorized — much less unprotected — by these scorpion-swatting (equally effective on spiders for domiciles of more northerly latitudes) symbols of social aplomb!

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    • I’ve always longed to be known as a Guru of Repurposing! As far as repurposing goes, on The Lovely Wife’s last trip to our hill country hovel, while walking around outside, she somehow, unbeknownst to her, acquired a “rider” – a small tarantula decided to view the world from atop Lissa’s head. Lissa went inside, bent over to pick up a jug of water, and the tarantula fell off. Unfortunately for the arachnid, Lissa’s first thought was to set down the jug of water. And she did. On the tarantula. 😦

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