Apricot House (after Wang Wei)
We cut the finest apricot for roof beams
and braided fragrant grasses over them.
I wonder if clouds might form there
and rain upon this world?
The transliteration on Chinese-poems.com reads:
Fine apricot cut for roofbeam
Fragrant cogongrass tie for eaves
Not know ridgepole in cloud
Go make people among rain
Apricot was a given. It offered specificity, and feels lovely in the mouth. Roof beams, as well. Cogongrass didn’t make the cut. It is indeed used for thatched roofs in southeast Asia, but it felt clumsy; in this case, the specificity it lent detracted from my reading. And rather than use “thatched” I chose “braided” to imply the layered effect of thatching, and to imply movement, to mesh with and support the idea of clouds forming and drifting under the roof. “Not know” posed a question: did it mean ignorance or simply being unaware, or perhaps a state of wonderment? I first employed “unaware” but thought it took the poem in a different direction than Wang Wei intended (but who knows?). “Ridgepole” seemed unnecessary. So I chose to let the reader follow the unsaid – using “form there” to reinforce the impression already shaped by the roof beams and the grasses “over them.” I admit to some trepidation over the second couplet. It may still need work.
“Apricot House” first appeared here in December 2014.
what a lovely image!
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Thank you, Nancie! It’s Wang Wei’s doing!
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While likely not the original meaning … “go make people among rain” leads my mind to a very damp group love-making scenario … [That it’s raining as I read this possibly a factor …]
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Ha! I have to say that my mind never went there. But I like that version, too.🙂
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I’m enjoying seeing the thought process behind these.
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Thanks, Ken. Come to think of it, just about everything I write follows this process. 🙂
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How well I remember this one! And now I’m thinking about a roof of clouds…(K)
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It appeals to me, though I might change my mind depending upon the weather. 🙂
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Perhaps it would reflect your state of mind.
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It is often cloudy!
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Mine too. More often than clear.
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I somehow prefer the haze.
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More to be found inside.
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There’s always more!
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When you share this process, and your thoughts behind your choices, it helps to illustrate the ways in which both poetry and translation are arts.🧡
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Words and symbols contain much cultural baggage. It helps to consider them, when possible, and also to go deeper into the words themselves – to look at their connotations, etymology and yes, sounds. With these adaptations, I don’t worry about “accuracy” so much as emotional content. It is a very strange thing, this poetry!
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