The subject of Nineteen Ways of Looking at Wang Wei: How a Chinese Poem is Translated, these four lines have not suffered from lack of translation. Gary Snyder’s rendition is beautiful – some might say perfect – as is Burton Watson’s. And then there’s Octavio Paz’s version. Yet I persist…
The transliteration on Chinese-poems.com (which differs from that offered by Eliot Weinberger):
Empty hill not see person
Yet hear person voice sound
Return scene enter deep forest
Duplicate light green moss on
And my take:
Deer Sanctuary
There’s no one on this empty hill,
but I hear someone talking.
Sunlight trickles into the forest,
reflecting onto the green moss.
Time and again Weinberger objects to an explicit first person observer, but to my ear it flows better. I’ve tried to retain a sense of precision in observation and at least a hint of duality, and believe that I’ve succeeded, at least in part. Having carried this poem with me for more than two decades, only now have I felt up to the task (or at least approaching it). I chose the title “Deer Sanctuary,” because in my neck of the woods spaces enclosed by “game fences” are generally meant for hunting. We Texans do love our venison. But the poem, to me, is ultimately peaceful. Hence my title.
O at the Edges 
Your translation absolutely flows better. I’m always leery of the nuances lost in translating anything, Thank you for teaching me about Wang, something new for me to explore. Peace. ~ Michael
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All I hope is to capture a bit of the mood or tone of the original. It is, of course, subjective, but infinitely interesting.
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Thank you for dropping by, look forward to further exploring and being educated.
Chris.
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Beautiful flow…
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Interesting to have your reasoning along with the translation. The first person observer gives a viewpoint shared by the reader and doesn’t intrude into what is viewed.
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Reblogged this on kolak jengkol.
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Thanks for reblogging this!
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Thanks for this post. – always fascinating to hear poets (and translators) on their craft. My first thought on reading the translation was that it’d work better without the ‘i’, since it seems to me that the sound is meant to exist independently of the hearer. But in the context of knowing that these other translations exist, it’s fascinating to have your rendering too which definitely flows better.to Western ears and, to my view, adds to the translation-discussion in a meaningful way.
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That was the dilemma – whether to insert a “hearer” or to let the voices exist independently. According to Weinberger, the first-person singular is not prevalent in Chinese poetry. In the end, wrong or right, I chose to insert the “I.”
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Thank you for liking my posts on Old English poetry, and thanks for teaching me about Chinese poetry – I think your translation is beautiful here, and I like others you have done too – I am drawn to poetry with stories, with a grounding in nature, and a sense of mystery and that all comes through here, like in the Old English poetry.
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Thank you for your kind words. A sense of mystery is all important. If we know it all, why go on?
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Interesting series.
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There are almost as many ways to write a translation of a poem as there are ways to read the poem. I like your 21st-century-Texan-Wang way.
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Ah, the Twang Way (spoken with a slow drawl)! I’m not certain about Wang, but Li Po was definitely a good ole boy, as we say here. These adaptations have been illuminating (even without the ubiquitous moon), and have at the very least served as portals into the particular pieces.
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Your translation transcends. Awesome
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Thank you.
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I like the intimate peaceful quality of this.
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Wang gets credit for that. 🙂
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thank you for sharing. that expanded my views on approaching the dissection and translation of language.
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You’re very welcome. I’m flattered that in some small way I’ve helped shed light.
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that light is seeping to spread, so thank you!
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Perfect translation–I like it better than the original 🙂
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This is exquisitely crafted. Perfect. It’s one of those works that will live in my mind always, and to which I will have recourse from time to time. I really, really love this. This is what great craftsmanship looks like, certainly, but that recognition comes after, and because of, the lived experience of the poem, which is so vivid and profound. Reading it was completely transporting. Well, well done!
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altogether a new poem though, don’t you think? something very different
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Yes, of course. It’s fascinating how so few words can do so much in so many ways.
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Thanks, Bob. You’ve made my day. We work on these things then toss them into the wind. Sometimes they land.
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It’s fitting that a poet would feature the thyrsus at the top of the home page. The geometry and lack of perfection, the wabi-sabi, of the pinecone, of course, are also significant.
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I admit to a preference for imperfection…
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RO — Your version is beautiful.//mm
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Thank you.
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i enjoyed the way you flowed and made it so compelling. i enjoy your blog. peace and the best
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Thank you for your kind words!
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I love Gary Snyder’s poetry. There’s an article on him in the New Yorker which you’ve inspired me to look up [I subscribe to it]. and thanx 4 visiting my blog. I like your poetry
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Gary Snyder is a national treasure.
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original version surely has it’s special flavour and meaning.
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Yes, it certainly does!
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