O at the Edges

Musings on poetry, language, perception, numbers, food, and anything else that slips through the cracks.

Track (after Tranströmer)

Posted on April 3, 2015 by robert okaji

Track (after Tranströmer)

2 p.m.: Sunlight. The subway flows
beneath us. Flecks of darkness
shimmer madly on the wall.

As when a man cracks a window into a dream,
remembering everything, even
what never occurred.

Or after skimming the surface of good health,
all his nights become ash, billowing clouds,
strong and warm, suffocating him.

The subway never stops.
2 o’clock. Filtered sunlight, smoke.

I’ve been dipping into Friends, You Drank Some Darkness, Robert Bly’s 1975 translations of Harry Martinson, Gunnar Ekelöf and Tomas Tranströmer, and I couldn’t resist playing with one of my favorite poems. A different darkness, a separate space, another landscape…

24 thoughts on “Track (after Tranströmer)”

nananoyz on April 3, 2015 at 8:52 am said:

You dipped into some fascinating work! Beautiful result!

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- robert okaji on April 3, 2015 at 3:38 pm said:
  
  Thank you.
  
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jensenempire2551 on April 3, 2015 at 10:09 am said:

There is a darkness where light can not shine, living throughout dark matter those un-woken dreams…

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- robert okaji on April 3, 2015 at 3:39 pm said:
  
  Yes!
  
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cheryl622014 on April 3, 2015 at 10:35 am said:

Really liked it

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- robert okaji on April 3, 2015 at 3:41 pm said:
  
  Thank you, Cheryl.
  
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SiriusOryon on April 3, 2015 at 10:48 am said:

-0-

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milliethom on April 3, 2015 at 11:59 am said:

Some lovely descriptions. I really like the ‘Flecks of darkness shimmer madly on the wall’.

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- robert okaji on April 3, 2015 at 3:41 pm said:
  
  Thanks, Millie.
  
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john hauge on April 3, 2015 at 2:49 pm said:

the second stanza is very nice.

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Ron on April 3, 2015 at 7:22 pm said:

Many poems have flashes of greatness. This one is infused with the stuff of immortality throughout. And now, by contrast, I must go squeeze a moment of pathetic wordsmithing into one of my micro-fairy tales. *thin smile*

Ron

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- robert okaji on April 5, 2015 at 3:02 pm said:
  
  The immortality is all Transtromer’s. And your modesty is killing me! I wish I could do what you do, Ron.
  
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M Ross Henry on April 3, 2015 at 7:30 pm said:

This is beautiful.

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- robert okaji on April 3, 2015 at 8:03 pm said:
  
  Thank you, MR.
  
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Jeff Schwaner on April 3, 2015 at 9:17 pm said:

I have always enjoyed Bly’s translations of Transtromer, but I think I can only do so because there are other translations of TT as well. The fibre of Bly runs through all his translations. I like your adaptation here–the change from night to day, rural to urban, the frozen exterior to the isolated interior. Thanks for bringing some of this magic back–and check out the Robin Fulton translation if you have not already, in The Great Enigma.

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- robert okaji on April 5, 2015 at 2:59 pm said:
  
  I’ll have to pick up a copy of The Great Enigma. Fulton has a handful of translations in For the Living and the Dead, which I’ll look at more closely. I also like Michael McGriff’s translation of Sorrow Gondola.
  
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Jay on April 3, 2015 at 10:07 pm said:

Beautiful inspiration.

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- robert okaji on April 4, 2015 at 6:45 am said:
  
  Thanks, Jay.
  
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cheeksmae on April 4, 2015 at 10:12 am said:

I really liked the poem 🙂

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- robert okaji on April 5, 2015 at 8:20 am said:
  
  I’m pleased it worked for you! Thanks.
  
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David Kanigan on April 5, 2015 at 6:43 am said:

Loved it.

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- robert okaji on April 5, 2015 at 8:16 am said:
  
  Thanks, David.
  
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simonfalk28 on April 6, 2015 at 4:54 am said:

Thanks Robert. I come from a family where many worked in railway employment. This scene speaks to me. I wanted to go to the nearest station.

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- robert okaji on April 6, 2015 at 9:37 pm said:
  
  I am so pleased this resonated with you. Thank you.
  
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