Autumn Winds (after Li Po)
Clear autumn winds swirl
below the moon’s glow,
scattering the gathered leaves.
The startled crows return.
When will we see each other again?
This hour, this lonely night, my feelings grow brittle.
The transliteration on Chinese-poems.com reads:
Autumn wind clear
Autumn moon bright
Fall leaves gather and scatter
Jackdaw perch again startle
Each think each see know what day
This hour this night hard be feeling
I started this adaptation in the heart of summer, hoping that it would offer a respite from the unrelenting Texas heat…
O at the Edges 
It’s so interesting to “see” how the transliteration works out in someone’s mind. I would not have been able to “get” a missing person from “Each think each see know what day…” Thanks, Artsyberger
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I don’t know how true to the original intent my version is, but it is both fun and challenging to sift through the words and produce a new poem that one hopes is worthy.
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Some knowledge of the context of the poem can help get between the characters–in this case (T’ang dynasty poets) there is a long and moving tradition of farewell poems that poets wrote each other. A farewell like this might mean two good friends would not see each other in person for years so this type of poem was quite common between poets. Also, the moon itself is a symbol packed with meaning for the Chinese, who reflect on it as a way of communicating with far-flung friends and family. A big bright autumn moon sets the stage for a farewell poem as good as anything! So by the time you get to those elusive characters you already have a sense what they are expressing…
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Which explains Seaton’s version, as it appears he fills in the blanks a bit. But I like what he does. Ah, context! Thanks, Jeff.
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Translation is also to some extent interpretation.
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I struggle with determining how much of myself I should allow to intrude into the space of the poem.
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It is a struggle worth making. Having said it, let me also add that translations come with expiry dates.
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Now that you mention it, I have read some that seemed to have expired decades ago.
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There is a restlessness about the autumn season. This poem reflects that awkward feeling. Word-for-word translations are interesting, and I remember the Texas heat. Blessings to you…
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Thanks, Carol. Autumn is a time of transition, and I’d hoped to capture a bit of that.
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Fall is so beautiful in NY! For me the feelings are coming from the poet, not from Nature. The shift in focus is immense and powerful. Thanks again for your beautiful translations!
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You are very kind, Phil!
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Oh, how I love this…and the last line is worth the price of admission! Just an excellent adaptation! On another front, your book will be shipped tomorrow (Thursday). And about time, too! The cover is a little grungy. Use your best “cover cleaning” skills…I’m afraid I would make a mess of it!
Best,
Ron
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Thanks, Ron, for your comments and the book. I’ll treasure it.
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Texas summers… been there, done that… {sigh}
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They don’t seem to get easier with age!
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I spent almost 40 years doing that….
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Thank you for this mad thanks to Li Po
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You’re very welcome, and thank you for reading it.
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I love the turn in your poem, and the last line is brilliant. I look forward to reading more from you.
I remember the Texas heat, but because it is in the 100s here in southern California today, remembering doesn’t take much effort
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I appreciate your kind comments. And yes, 100 degree weather anywhere is HOT.
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I love the word play and your transliteration. Autumn, my favorite season and time of life.
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Thank you. Autumn is always welcome in my house.
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Lovely adaptation. Somehow, it reminded me of “Der Lindenbaum.”
Li Po’s original intent is his own. The transliteration is stark and stripped down, but there’s still something there from which other poets may distill a true essence of the human condition.
Thanks for sharing this!
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Thank you. I wasn’t familiar with The Linden Tree, but now that I’ve read it can find similarities. I suppose these poems originate from the same well…
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We are in Spring down here, but Autumn (Fall) is my favourite -no hayfever.
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You are lucky. We have pollen and/or mold in the air year-round. 😦
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This captures the “push and pull” feeling of Autumn perfectly.
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Thank you.
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Last line…my feelings grow brittle – just right for Autumn and decay, all sorts of depth and feelings in there…I really like the two poems side by side, it just adds to each
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I was just looking at J.P. Seaton’s translation, which takes the ending on a slightly different path. Interesting how this works.
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The transliteration is tough to read; your interpretation is beautiful.
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Thank you. The transliterations on Chinese-poems.com seem to be stripped-down, which is what I want/need to tease out these poems.
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And I’m enjoying it as we celebrate the first rains of fall in SF. Thank you.
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Enjoy the rain!
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Your poetry touches. Transliteration is not in my scope. Beautiful
thank you.
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Thanks very much.
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Great blog and good poetry, I like the inclusion of photos. Beautifully presented.
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Thanks for your kind words. Determining which photos to use is a fun yet challenging process.
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Very fitting for the current setting, and near what I felt today. Thanks for the share. EM.
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I’m so pleased it worked for you. Thanks.
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I’m overwhelmed that you can craft these–too great a challenge for this gal, I dare say. And TX heat–my beloved cousin lives there, but she’d have pay me to fly down. I don’t know how y’all survive, truly.
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You should give it a try. It has helped me get deeper into the poems.
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Well….are there instructions on your blog for how to go about it? If so, I might rise to your challenge.
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I wish I knew enough about this to offer instruction. I would urge you to look at 19 Ways of Looking at Wang Wei, which I refer to in this piece:
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Pingback: Mellowing into Fall: Essay and Photos | Leigh's Wordsmithery
Translating poetry is an extremely difficult task, and you’ve done it so delicately. Beautiful.
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Thank you, Joan. My hope is to add something to the “conversation.”
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Your version brings so much feeling and depth–so lovely, Robert, I can see the scene so clearly. And “my feelings grow brittle,” wonderful.
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That line posed the greatest difficulty – whether “feelings” worked (how about “love”?) or if “brittle” captured the essence better than “hard.”
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Reblogged this on JustGoWithIt.
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Thanks for reblogging!
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I so enjoy your creative sensitivity. Keep up the inspirational sharing.
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Thanks for making my day!
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Here in England, on the cusp of autumn, the poem is perfectly timed. Thank you.
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I woke to a cool morning, alone in the house. Appropriate for me today, too.
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I live in Texas at the moment. I really appreciate you sharing the secret of how you beat the heat with poetry. Poetry better than air conditioning? Who knew?
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Well, I didn’t say it worked! But I tried…
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Mind over matter. I still think it’s a good idea.
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I like it. I bet Li Po would too.
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Thank you.
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Hi Robert. So Expressive. So nice hear from you again Thank you for liking my poem ‘ All Hallows Eve!’ The Foureyed Poet.
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秋風詞 Autumn Wind Verse
作詞：唐 – 李白 Libretto: Tang Dynasty, Li Bai
作曲：民初山東王魯賓傳譜 (梅庵琴谱)
*秋風清，秋月明，
*落葉聚還散，寒鴉棲復驚，
*相思相見知何日，此時此夜難為情。
入我相思門，知我相思苦，
長相思兮長相憶，短相思兮無窮極，
早知如此絆人心，何如當初莫相識。
Above are the two original verses of Li Bai’s lyrics to a traditional tune. A lot of people only know of the first verse (in asterisks). My ‘translation’ of it:
As the autumn wind lays bare
As the autumn moon reveals
Fallen leaves gather yet scatter
Roosted crows fly from their shelter
Thinking of each other
Wishing we’re together
But know not when
Right at this moment
Right on this night
Love is hard to bear
The second verse speaks of longings so unbearable that the poet laments: If I had known how this would grip my heart, it might have been better that we’d never met.
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Thank you, Mary. Illuminating (like the autumn moon)!
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